The Bank of Eyngland

Despite the hooker’s best efforts, Andy just could not finish. Sex just wasn't how it used to be. He found it just too tough to climax.

There was loud pounding on the door.

"Andy, you're already 20 minutes late. These guys have already performed 2 more songs that they were supposed to. The crowd has come to listen to you and not to these sods. Just leave what ever you are up to and come out", it was Robbie his manager.

"You don't remind me remind me that I am late. This babe was terrible, your grandmother can probably give better head than this babe". Andy emerged from his room zipping up his leather pants.

"Robbie, promise me that you will never book me another tour in a place where drugs are illegal. Did you manage any? I can't perform without being stoned. The last time I did that I was singing in the church choir and that was bloody 35 years ago. Did you manage to score some stuff like you promised", Steve was very agitated.

"Andy, this place is not like back home. They put a guy in jail last week for possessing .5gms of Hashish and that Indian guy is still in jail, his poor wife has been running between the jail and the Indian High Commission for 10 days now. In fact I think that they should start a new race in the Olympics named after her. Now come on, pull yourself together, you can do it", Robbie was very firm. He could sense that Andy was about to throw one of his tantrums.

"I need it Robbie, I can't do it. What's happening to me? I can't ever screw any more"? Andy broke down.

“No Andy, no. Don’t do that, not now. You can do it. If anyone can, you can do it. You’re Andy Eyngland, you’ve got 17 platinum albums, 23 No. 1 hits. You don’t need to get stoned to perform”, Robbie rattled out his pep talk.

“But I do. You know it, I do. I can’t do with out it. My head is spinning, I am choking. It’s all my mothers fault. Anyway I always hated singing. God’s given you a gift Andy, when you sing God signs through you. I won’t be able to sing. They’ll boo me off the stage. I have money, I can probably live off my royalties alone…retire in the country, catch some fish. What will you do? What will you do without a job, Robbie?” Andy was hysterical.

“Andy you’re broke, if anyone needs to perform tonight, you do. I wanted to tell you but I thought I’ll wait till after the concert. You see that guy in the black suit in the corner. He’s with your accountancy firm and he told be just a little while ago.” Robbie said gravely.

“What do you mean I’m broke? They press calls me the Bank of Eyngland. I am richer than the Queen. How can I be broke?” Andy was flabbergasted.

“The court ruled in Marion’s favor. She’s wiped you out. You need to do this Andy”, Robbie said slowly.

“Bloody women. Never marry Robbie, never. They’ll kill everything inside you. Look at me, I’m finished but I am going to come back. Andy the Phoenix. Now on to work. We have a crowd to please.” Andy put on a brave face and walked ahead.

The opening bars of ‘Rising from the ashes’ Andy 1983 hit, could be heard.

“What a song to come back to”, said Robbie as he patted Andy on the shoulder.

“Indeed”, said Andy and ran towards the stage.

“What was that bit about Marion”, asked Jerry who happened to be listening to the conversation.

“Nothing, just a little lie that I fabricated to get him up on stage”, replied Robbie coolly. “The bit that I am bothered about is he’s not able to screw. Poor Andy”, Robbie continued.

The crowd ruptured as soon as Andy came on to the stage.

Andy started singing.

As you walked away
I thought I’d heard you say
That you couldn’t do without me

Just a misplaced illusion
That you created
But now I can clearly see

That you’re rotten
and you’re scheming
Lying
And deceiving
And now I’m truly free

As he uttered the words he fell. It was a part of his act. This is when he springs up and did the ‘Andy walk’, imagine John Wayne walking like Captain Jack Sparrow.

The band continued to play. Andy stayed down.

Something was wrong. Jimmy, the lead guitarist walked up to him. Andy was not moving. “Andy, you alright?” said Jimmy.
“Andy, Andy”….